Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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