You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
