I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
