tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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