It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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