I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Randomize
