sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
