i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
