I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
