You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
