OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
