why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
