worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
