We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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