Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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