We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
