She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
