I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
it's like heaven, but drunker
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
