so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
