i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
