It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
