I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
