just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
