atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
