I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
