Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
