you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
