i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
