so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Randomize
