so that wasnt chicken after all
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
now i know why i became what i already was.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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