i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
