We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
