plz talk dirty to me
Fuck appropriateness.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I take back everything I said about communal showers
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
