There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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