she woke up with a sticky ear
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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