When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So vagazzling was a success
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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