Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm always down for nudity.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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