I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
