i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
