lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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