I just pynch a tree in the face
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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