What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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