....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
