my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
