in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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