Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
