Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
