He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Are we still banned from the library?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
