So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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