Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
